My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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