I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
