I've blown a few things in my day
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
