Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
