Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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