This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
