All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
