Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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