"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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