I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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