just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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