Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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