Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
NoShamevember. You game?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
