It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
