So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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