My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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