One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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