i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
