I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
