my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
