I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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