just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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