im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
