ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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