took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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