Who wears a wallet chain?!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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