you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
