I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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