Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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