I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
