Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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