Welp...herpes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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