I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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