NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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