He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
