Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fuck appropriateness.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
