Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
