I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
how do you play pong handcuffed?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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