I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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