so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
