Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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