I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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