O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
