I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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