What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
