he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
