if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
