The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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