You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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