Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
