Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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