wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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