My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
