I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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