The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
