What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I want to be your penis for a week.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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