How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
