the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As shirtless as possible
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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