I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
