Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
