he puts the penis in happiness.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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