be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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