we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
