did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
