Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
vagina is talking i cant
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
