just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
