at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
