Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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