I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
